Foolery for 2019: I Hate the NY State Legislature (and more)
by meep
I’m not big into April Fools, and though I did a legit April Fools post 4 years ago, I generally skip this day for internet foolery.
But, there are so many natural fools out there, so why not just expose them all?
NY LEGISLATURE OUT OF USEFUL STUFF TO DO
Plastic Bags to Be Banned in New York; Second Statewide Ban, After California
This is so completely idiotic.
ALBANY — New York State lawmakers have agreed to impose a statewide ban on most types of single-use plastic bags from retail sales, changing a way of life for millions of New Yorkers as legislators seek to curb an unsightly and omnipresent source of litter.
The plan, proposed a year ago by Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, would be the second statewide ban, after California, which banned bags in 2016. Hawaii also effectively has a ban in place, since all the state’s counties bar such single-use bags.
New York’s ban, which would begin next March, would forbid stores to provide customers with single-use plastic bags, which are nonbiodegradable and have been blamed for everything from causing gruesome wildlife deaths to thwarting recycling efforts.
WHY DO THEY HATE POOR PEOPLE OVER WILDLIFE?!
I’m really looking forward to what will happen to the bag people in NYC.
The ban, which is expected to be part of the state’s budget bills that are slated to be passed by Monday, would have a number of carveouts, including food takeout bags used by restaurants, bags used to wrap deli or meat counter products and bags for bulk items. Newspaper bags would also be exempted, as would garment bags and bags sold in bulk, such as trash or recycling bags.
Okay, now we can tell it’s just plain dumb. You know how I use most “single use” plastic bags? Other than toting the stuff I just bought, I USE THEM FOR TRASH. I use them in my van. I use them in waste paper baskets. When I lived by myself, I never bought trash bags. I just used the plastic shopping bags. Those bags got at least two uses out of them.
(I also crocheted the plastic bags into floormats for muddy boots, but I did that for only so long) I’ve used the bags to help waterproof old shoes when I was out in the snow. I’ve used the bags for picking up dog poop. I mean COME ON.
The agreement was also being criticized by business and trade groups, including the Food Industry Alliance of New York State, which represents grocery stores, a major target of such bans and fees.
Mike Durant, the group’s president, said the proposed law would “have a drastic impact on retailers,” and predicted confusion because of the opt-in provision. Mr. Durant also criticized the allocation of paper-bag fee revenue to the environmental and bag funds.
“The failure to give even a portion of the 5-cent fee back to the stores, makes this an untenable mandate for many of our members who operate within finite profit margins,” said Mr. Durant. He added, “We are disappointed that the Legislature did not consider this alternative and failed to hear the concerns of the business community.”
Small business groups also expressed concern. “Every mandated cost increase adds up,” said Greg Biryla, the New York director of National Federation of Independent Business. “Independent businesses are simply not able to absorb and adjust to new mandated costs the same as their big-box competitors.”
The legislature cannot begin to give a shit. The members of the legislature are primarily lawyers who make their $$ from their sweet connections. They’ve never had to run a retail shop.
Such a disincentive is also the goal of the state plan, said Mr. Kaminsky, whose hometown, Long Beach, N.Y., has such a program.
“I think we’ll look back in a few years,” he said. “And people will wonder why we didn’t do this sooner.”
Yes, we’ll wonder why we didn’t put the legislators in a barrel and shove them over Niagara Falls sooner. I’m looking forward to that.
Related:
- 2014, HuffPo: Plastic Bag Ban Responsible For Spike In E. Coli Infections, Study Says
- 2017, Telegraph UK: Plastic bag tax is fuelling spread of food poisoning as people do not wrap raw meat separately
- 2017, The Guardian: Your bag for life doesn’t have to carry a food poisoning risk. Here’s what to do
- 2013, Reason: Are Plastic Bag Bans Making Us Sick?
- 2014, Letter to the Editor: Plastic bag bans hurt the poor
- 2019, New Zealand: Government warned plastic bag ban would hurt the poor
- Piece from the plastics industry: How Plastic Bag Bans Impact the Economy
- 2014, Texas Public Radio: How A Bag Ban Would Create A Burden For People Without Vehicles, Low Income
By the way, back when I lived in NYC, I didn’t drive to the grocery store. I walked, and I had a cart I pushed around. I had a liner for the cart, and would often put my groceries in directly, and then roll it to my apartment. It was great when I lived on a ground floor apartment in Queens, but when I lived in a 3rd floor walkup in Manhattan, it was a bit of a drag.
The kind of people passing this law don’t do their own grocery shopping. And certainly not on foot.
OTHER STUPID STUFF
Yeah, let me just throw them into a bunch of nuggets for this day of fools.
- Vandalism of Ruth Bader Ginsberg poster on NYC subway being investigated as hate crime
- Elon Musk releases surprise song in honor of Harambe
- Man Accused in Deep Ellum Beating Bonds Out of Jail, Shaves Beard
- Grand Canyon tourist falls 1,000 feet to his death while taking photos – ugh.
- Coors Light Sues Bud Light for…Telling the Truth
- Joe Biden’s affectionate, physical style with women comes under scrutiny (I have an alternative headline: “Why can’t Joe keep his hands to himself?”)
- Cities go dark for Earth Hour, bring light to climate change – I think I slept through it. Stu was annoyed because he had forgotten this, too. We usually make a point of turning all our lights on.
APRIL FOOLS TWEETS
Okay, I will post a few of these.
The moment you've all been waiting for…
— Duolingo (@duolingo) April 1, 2019
Introducing Duolingo Push! We're taking notifications out of your phone and into the real world. Yup: Duo the Owl will literally show up to remind you to practice so you never miss a lesson.
https://t.co/UB8ld0pyiY pic.twitter.com/kHEQv2Winc
Marvel has announced new Avengers: Endgame branded Depends, perfect for the 3+ hour running time of the final chapter of the Infinity War saga. Available in the lobby of your favorite theater! #AvengersEndgame pic.twitter.com/7iz5GbWP5i
— Glenda Adams (@glenda_atom) April 1, 2019
Big news! I'd like to announce that I have just accepted a tenure-track position at the Univers…. I can't even post this with a straight face. Least likely #AprilFools prank ever… There are no jobs
— Steve McCormick (@Quasilocal) April 1, 2019
Did you know there’s a religious root to #AprilFools Day? It was to commemorate the day Jesus was mocked and rejected. If we are considered fools because of our deep faith, we can smile with gratitude and know that, through Jesus, we have the wisdom of the ages. pic.twitter.com/zLRKcKukPS
— Cardinal Dolan (@CardinalDolan) April 1, 2019
In honor of #AprilFools Day, here are our top 10 bloopers of the last 10 years!
— MLB Network (@MLBNetwork) April 1, 2019
Which one is your favorite? #MLBN10 pic.twitter.com/K0ZGUOqEPd
Never heard of the famous Swiss spaghetti harvest? Here are a just a few of history's greatest #AprilFools hoaxes https://t.co/GXMYSD00hv
— National Geographic (@NatGeo) April 1, 2019
My preschoolers think they’re getting brownies later. Stay tuned. #aprilfools pic.twitter.com/PAT5gciliP
— Allie Manning (@AllieManning23) April 1, 2019
And a bonus:
GOP taking every tweet so earnestly, making my point for me. It’s not an argument against the price of a croissant – it’s about the value of human worth.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) April 1, 2019
But I guess that idea is foreign to them since their policies treat people as disposable anyway
If later this day AOC says to this tweet "April Fools! I was pretending to be as economically illiterate as my critics claim me to be!" I will gain a huge amount of respect for her.
— Frank J. Fleming (@IMAO_) April 1, 2019
We’ll find out later!
And here, have a pensions tweet:
So I've thought about it long and hard. Turns out that failing to fund teachers' pensions is perfectly reasonable. All politicians are doing is asking schoolchildren to fund the cost of their own education, when they grow up, by paying for their beloved teachers' retirement, no?
— Jane the Actuary (@JanetheActuary) April 1, 2019
FOOLISH MUSIC
Have a bit of fun:
See you tomorrow!
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